As I See It / January 2007

Petty Crimes

The world is so big, the opportunities for error so great, it is simply not possible to maneuver a day, much less a life, without a mistake. Each morning brings a thousand decisions, and an equal number of choices, arriving like a barrage of gunfire.

One can’t help being struck by a stray bullet or two.

Didn’t read the file? Bang. Yelled at the kids? Bang. Missed the deadline? Bang. Didn’t speak and should have? Bang, bang.

There is less time to think, and more things to do. The possibilities are inherently perilous, the sheer number of options make it a fixed fight; the odds are stacked.

It isn’t rational to strive for a life without mistakes, zero defects in word and deed.

Mistakes are probably the dues necessary for a full life, and certainly the natural consequence of living. Trying to hide, immobilized by fear of fault, provides no relief. The hazards of not moving are as plentiful and inescapable as those of going too fast.

But, there is some saving grace in what kind of mistakes we are willing to make. Balancing the guilt of should haves and shouldn’t haves is an eternal juggling act. The weight can shift quickly; the nature of each mistake bears its own mass.

Not hearing is not the same failure as not listening. Misplacing a decimal is not the same mistake as making a false entry. Saying the wrong thing does not equal the transgression of repeating things that are just wrong. Being broke doesn’t make one morally bankrupt.

Misjudgments in time, direction, color or style are embarrassing, but the resulting discomfort is generally brief in duration for everyone involved. The misjudgments that reflect and ultimately determine an individual’s personal code have no such transience. They are bricks in the wall, laid one on top of each other, that become a towering dark shadow. They are mistakes of character.

Such errors of judgment, letting someone else take the blame, taking credit rather than sharing it, feeling big by making others feel small, will not ever be categorized as crimes against humanity.

But, they are, really. Small crimes, to be sure, they are merely misdemeanors in the grand scale of bad human behavior compared to the enormously hateful acts of death, destruction and humiliation perpetrated in the name of God, country, honor or entitlement.

Still, the mess they leave, like damage from vandals, is nasty and violating. Trust and truth are the first casualties. White lies turn dark. Idle gossip turns to social surgery. The gentle poke becomes a jab.

Many mistakes are forgiven and forgotten with just an apology. Some take years to rectify. Most never get a second thought, though a few are videotaped to the eternal delight of sports fans and wedding guests.

But mistakes in judgment must be measured and counted, watched as vigilantly as the bathroom scales and for the same reason. Sometimes the numbers creep up when no one’s paying attention.

Mistakes of character are rarely punished, except in a cosmic what- goes-around, comes-around way. The person whose manners appear only in the boss’s presence is treated rudely by peers. Bullies eventually eat their lunch alone. Someone who never quite pays their share, isn’t invited to the party. But by the time that happens, the damage is already done.

It’s a big world, with a lot of pressure, a lot of expectations and a lot of options. A woman can drown trying to go with the flow. Mistakes happen, and every woman is going to make some as she learns and grows. But she also needs to recognize which ones are important. If a woman can stand tall without standing on someone else, her mistakes will not weigh her down. If she knows she can be a victor without having a victim, her mistakes won’t keep her from being a champion. PL

 

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