As I See It / May 2005

 

The Rights and Rites of Motherhood

Thanks to the courage and sacrifices of our grandmothers and their grandmothers, women have a legal status in this country that allows them full participation in commerce, government, science, education and the arts. But, despite all the rights women American have gained, the right to bear children remains the fundamental framework upon which women build their life.

Women with children almost universally acknowledge that few things in the world equal the profoundly joyful, richly satisfying experience that is motherhood.

The world has changed, though. Expanded options and greater possibilities mean more risk and higher expectations. The price women pay for motherhood keeps rising.

There dreary decades when mothers were condemned to exhaustion or insignificance. As women have proved their ability, the issue of insignificance has rightly diminished, but exhaustion seems inescapable.
It isn't just physical, though constant motion requires constant energy. Motherhood has always demanded great strength. A babe in arms and a child on the hip are heavy. Whether women were planting and plowing, scrubbing floors or carrying groceries, women's work is and always has been hard work.

And, women have always worried for their children. The fear of war has touched every mother of a son. And, from the women who arrived in wooden ships, drove covered wagons or marched as suffragettes, to the women who start their own business or put in fifty hour weeks at the store, every mother wants her daughter's life to be easier than her own.

It's just so much more dangerous now. The threats are insidious, unavoidable; the danger immediate and relentless. Sophia Loren wasn't the first to notice, “A mother always has to think twice, once for herself and once for her child.” It is simply no longer possible to completely protect a child from the awful, evil things in the world. Failure is unthinkable but expecting success is unrealistic.

Mothers spending every resource on their children have little reserve to call upon for themselves. Still, their job description keeps getting longer and longer. Our expectations, too, keep getting higher and higher.

In jest, Erma Bombeck wrote, “Never making a mistake is crucial to motherhood. To be effective, children must believe their mother has never engaged in sex, never made a bad decision, never caused her own mother anxiety, and was never a child.” But contemporary mothers have accepted a crushing list of additionally unattainable perfections as their responsibility in a “To Do” list that never ends.

Liberation was supposed to expand women's opportunities, not overwhelm them.

Mother Teresa, who spent her life in pursuit of what was most important in life, discovered, “It's not the magnitude of our actions but the amount of love that is put into them that matters.”

Ultimately, that is every mother's redemption. She is judged by her children, not for how much she does or how good she looks, but how she loves them. With the odds against her and a million mistakes to make along the way, a mother still wins. Whether she bakes brownies or buys them, has pizza delivered or serves homemade soup, a loving mother feeds the spirit and nourishes the soul. At the end of the day, if her kids knows she loves them, she's ahead of the game.

Motherhood is a tough job, and not getting any easier. The wages are still nothing and the workplace is more hazardous than ever. It is amazing so many women embrace the challenge. Yet at every award ceremony, every photo opportunity, from actresses, linesmen and soldiers of every war, the first words are always “Hi, Mom!”

It's the payback for maternal vigilance, a tribute to carpools and doctor visits, acknowledgment of healing kisses and worried tears. Mothers can hear their whole life in “Hi, Mom!” Their children, no matter what age, never tire of saying it.

And when mothers leave this world, their children wish they could say Hi, Mom!” just one more time.

Hi, Mom!

 

 

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