Mommas
and Cowboys
The song says, “Mommas, don’t let
your babies grow up to be cowboys.” But, men grow up to be much
worse things than cowboys. Maybe we need songs about letting our babies
grow up to be jerks, about letting our babies grow up lazy and irresponsible,
about letting our babies grow up to be angry, violent men.
Bad boys are a growth industry in the US. Almost 95% of all prisoners
are men and that number grew from 715,000 in 1990 to 1, 305,000 in
2000. Health-related costs of violence against women just by their
husbands and boyfriends exceed $5.8 billion each year. And what about
all those nice professional men, the savings and loans executives,
the company presidents, chairmen and accountants who have stolen millions
of dollars, ruined thousands of lives and betrayed every trust?
They are our fathers and our sons.
How have they come to think they deserve whatever they can grab?
When did society’s basic rules become irrelevant to them? Where
did they learn to see women as disposable sources of money and sex?
How did the concept of “no” lose it’s meaning?
How can we fix this?
In a perfect world, children would be raised by financially secure,
devoted moms and dads, supported by loving relatives, encouraged by
principled friends and neighbors, educated by excellent teachers and
sheltered from unsavory influences in a physically safe community
populated by ethical role models.
We can’t even hope for two out of any three, so we must adapt
by making sure the timeless, fundamental lessons of life never slide.
Don’t hit. Be courteous and kind to others. Thou shalt not steal.
Anyone who wants to eat must work. Obey the law. Honor thy mother
and father. And, maybe the most important lesson - No.
Parents want their children to have everything and children are happy
to comply. But, no one is entitled to take what belongs to someone
else, whether it is a toy, a car or a life. Sometimes the answer must
be “no”.
How many times will parents say no, but do yes? How often will momma
negotiate “no” down to “maybe”, and then to
“later” and finally to “I give up”?
Responsibility is learned early. Parents who excuse their child’s
rude or wrong behavior are slow-cooking a pot of grief. Parents who
relinquish authority, allow disrespect or fail to set limits, pay
for it in dollars and tears down the line. They do an even greater
disservice by unleashing offspring who believe the world owes them
everything just for showing up.
We all know a good man is hard to find. They’re even harder
to produce. But good men make good fathers and we need good fathers.
Love isn’t enough. It takes strength and substance. Some assembly
is required. Plenty of convicted felons, stockbrokers and Enron executives
were rocked by mothers who loved them. Mothers in this century need
to be sure, strong and unrelenting in raising their sons right, because
those boys will be the fathers of our grandchildren. Even babies who
grow up to be cowboys, can be the kind of Dad that makes us proud.
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