A Dad and His Days
Even though men and women are probably equally qualified to be
parents, Dads are just different from Moms. It isn’t a matter
of depth. Dads love their children just as deeply as moms. It
isn’t a matter of style. There are as many approaches to
fatherhood as there are to motherhood. It seems to be in the immediacy
of the relationship. Mothers know all about what we do, when we
do it and everything we are. There are no secrets from Mom.
Dads, though, don’t have that need to know everything.
Fathers have a kind of distance, a presence that is more tent
than blanket. For them, details are irrelevant and frequently
bewildering. It is hard for a dad to appreciate the monumental
tragedy of a bad haircut or the overwhelming angst of a missed
phone call. Dads have no idea why the precise placement of a scarf
is critical or why a nail appliqué is desirable. Even after
comprehensive instruction, Dads won’t quite understand why
those shoes could not possibly be worn with that dress. Dads regularly
express regret over things that make no sense to them at all.
They are just sorry we feel bad.
And, that is incredibly comforting.
Dad doesn’t need to hear the debates and discussions of
what was right or who was wrong; he only wants to know that no
one was hurt.
Dads don’t jump into the daily fray, but they are vigilant
for the threats that can do real harm. They know they will receive
the call if there is something important. Fathers are like over-draft
protection. If we write a behavioral check that we can’t
cash, Dad will cover it. If we stand trembling and alone, too
far out on the limb, Dad is going to be there. He may have a lecture
and he may have a switch, but he will also have the net to catch
us.
And, Dads aren’t really joking when they talk to our boyfriends
about what will happen if we come in late. Anyone who doesn’t
appreciate that daughters are precious to Dads is at great risk
for personal injury.
So much is unsaid with Dads. Studies show that the average woman
speaks over 25, 000 words each day. The average man speaks about
12,500. It is no surprise that by the time they get home from
work, most men have used up their quota. Men do not seem to have
the need to talk as much as women do. Women talk so much and so
freely with each other. A daughter properly discussing an eventful
day with her mother includes facts, figures, speculation and extensive
quotes.
The complete transcript of a conversation about the same eventful
day with dad is “You ok?” “Yeah.” That’s
all he needs to know and, oddly, that’s all we need to tell
him.
Even when fathers aren’t physically there, their presence
can be felt. At 25 or 50, daughters still recognize situations
that call for Dad. And until he is gone, daughters will always
make the call.
Maybe fathers know best. Maybe not. It doesn’t really matter.
Just knowing Dad is on their side makes daughters stronger. Knowing
that the net will be there makes daughters more confident. Knowing
that she will never be out on that limb alone, makes a daughter
secure.
Rarely spoken, seldom explained, the abiding knowledge of a father’s
love is the ultimate defense in a perilous universe. Without it,
we are vulnerable, unprotected, uncertain of who and how to trust.
With it, we can conquer the world.
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