As I See It / June 2005
Ducks and
Deportment
The last century ended just a few years
back, but it already feels like a hundred years
ago. The world is a different place, again.
The pace has quickened, again. There’s more
time saving devices and less time, again.
In the last century, and the ones before
it, Mothers used to tell their daughter’s
the facts of life, perhaps not about sex,
but about actual life - how to act, how to
dress, how to behave in public. Mothers
were responsible for manners, morals and
matters of the heart.
Great progress has been made in the
social order these past few decades. Men
discovered laundry isn’t fatal, corporations
realized women could do more than type,
and government has, without permanent
damage, endured what was once perceived
as the cataclysmic peril of women voting.
Women have learned to delegate, authorize
and appoint. The woman addressing the
PTA on Tuesday, may be orchestrating an
IPO on Wednesday. A woman’s place is just
about anywhere she wants, if she has the
drive and the determination to get there.
The gains are monumental but women
have lost some things, too.
Pedestals, for example, are in short
supply.Hats and hankies are long gone.
Living girdles are, blessedly, extinct and
garters survive only in fantasy.
Some losses are more elusive. Some
things cannot be delegated. Mothers are
still responsible for manners, morals and
matters of the heart. But with only so many
hours in day and so few moments open for “quality” time, the messages may remain
in the bottle.
To the chagrin of contemporary mothers
and the dismay of bystanders, manners
aren’t learned by osmosis. Toddlers and
teens require constant admonition or they
grow up rude and graceless. The woman
in the house must step up and speak out,
early and often.
A girl bombarded with nationally
endorsed, universally broadcast, unrelenting
images of bare breasts, bellies and
behinds will not intuitively understand that
bare breasts, bellies and behinds are poor
fashion choices. She won’t understand that
looking like a tramp endangers her safety
and sabotages her opportunities. Only a
woman to whom she matters more than life
can tell her the truth strongly enough, often
enough, that she will believe it.
A boy bombarded with the same relentless
images will not view women as equals,
partners in life, intelligent beings to respect
and appreciate. He will not see girls as
friends and coworkers but as prey. There is
one woman to whom this should matter very
much, because she will be the first victim of
his contempt.
Running and out of time, women may
be running out of place as well, the place
historically occupied by generations of
women with stiff backbones.
Busy women who answer “How are
you?” with an itemized stream of productivity
may be missing the boat on many
levels. It is their unscheduled accomplishments
that will be rewarded. It’s the message
from private speaking engagements,
not public ones, that will be remembered.
Manners, morals and matters of the heart
aren’t ‘action items’ in a Day Timer.
The world keeps moving faster, but the
lessons are constant. “Act like a lady.” “Say
please.” and, “No.” The next generation of
women may not know what to say if this generation
doesn’t take the time to tell them.
The too-busy speakers who subject listeners
to a cascade of activities are wasting
their own time and, being impolite. They
may need to recall another of mother’s last
century lessons, “Think of a duck-appear
calm and unruffled on the surface and
paddle like the dickens underneath!” PL
Copyright © 2005-2006 A Woman's View. All rights reserved.
Femme Fair 2006
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