Civil
Satisfaction
Despite the most concerted efforts of preachers,
politicians and marketing managers across time, the simplest phrases
remain the most profoundly affecting.
“Please.” “I’m sorry.” “Thank
you.” They are so short, so straightforward, so uncomplicated,
it is amazing they are also so effective.
In a world as complex and problematical as this one, such simple
expressions are a welcome relief from incoherent excuses, incomprehensible
rationales and unintelligible babble. And yet, as each day gets
more demanding, more difficult, we use the easy words less and less.
We explain the deadline, defend our actions, bargain for position
and threaten consequences when, often, all that was required was “Please.” When
did “Please” take on the shame of begging? A sincere
“Please” is the real thing, a classic formula for congenially
getting things done. It is the gentle lubricant for friction
created by rubbing people together.
We cover every possible basis for not meeting expectations or failing
in responsibility –traffic, work, school, childhood trauma,
inadequate directions, peer pressure and computer viruses rather than
declare, “I’m sorry”. Over the phone,
at counters and in offices all over the country, one person fumes
in frustration while the other digs their heels in rather than utter
two words to fix the situation. It’s as though they will
be billed for the admission. Lovers and politicians say “I’m
sorry if I offended you” or “I’m sorry if you were
hurt”, laying the blame on the injured party. The responsibility
implied in plain old, ““I’m sorry”, meaning
“I did it and it was wrong”, is apparently too deep to
accept.
But there are few words so healing as “I’m sorry”. No
matter how great the pain, or how unforgivable the sin, “I’m
sorry” falls like cool water over the burn, lightens a darkened
spirit and unties knots in an aching heart.
The guilt of gratitude lies as heavily on our shoulders as the burden
of responsibility. We don’t thank employees for their effort;
they’re being paid to do a job. We wouldn’t dream of thanking
the boss, who makes more than we do. We don’t thank the clerk,
who is just a clerk or the waitress, who already got a tip. Why
thank parents, who are only doing what parents are supposed to do?
And, why thank someone who promotes a good cause? They need something
to occupy their time. Why bother thanking the neighbor who also
mows the yard next door on a sunny day? Who has the time, energy
or effort for a card and stamp just to thank someone for a deed already
forgotten?
Perhaps gratitude transpires on a continuum – no thanks, grudging
thanks, appropriate thanks and real appreciation. And yet, what
a grand return on investment “Thank you!” creates. Those
that choose grateful over graceless enjoy a more obliging world that
shifts, subtly, to ease their way.
World leaders and corporate giants constantly aim to present the
most powerful communication possible. Fanatics and activists focus
on creating the most effective message they can. But, we have the
words right on the tip of our tongue.
“Please.” “I’m sorry.” “Thank
you.”
They are simple tools to build, repair and maintain the messy mechanics
of living.
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