Sold Out
Gentle, recurring admonitions to “Do something for yourself!” have become ubiquitous in periodicals and products that target women. It sounds solicitous and concerned. It feels warm and fuzzy. And, the sweetness is topped by a touch of recognition, with the unarguable clencher, “You deserve it!”
But it’s a con, a con from top to bottom and on many levels. The benevolence always involves the purchase of product or service with no practical purpose. The “something for yourself” first requires additional dues in cash and effort. It delivers only the most fleeting, nonproductive experience. And, to qualify as a genuine “something for yourself”, it must be guaranteed not to improve skills, challenge intellect, further education, or provide any lasting advantage at work or at home.
It’s a bad deal for women.
The obvious flaw in the “do something for yourself” chorus is that it takes time, money and energy to pursue such trivia. But, the less apparent, more serious theft is that it steals time, money and energy that could be spent actually improving life. Women have many reasons and every right to insist on doing something for themselves, but how much good can even the most aromatic candle actually contribute to the quality of life?
Women have endured tremendous inequities and indignities in their struggle to get the vote, get the jobs, get the chance to prove their ability. Mothers, grandmothers, and great grandmothers screamed in frustration and cried in despair in a world that denied them the most basic privileges, like education and the right to own property. Women were not welcome at colleges or clubs, in government or in business in just the last century, when most of us were born. Women in the last century were still not allowed to be doctors, not allowed to vote, not allowed to hold office, forbidden to make their life count.
If we are going to “do something” for ourselves, surely it should be something that matters, something that lasts longer and means more than a bubble bath. An hour spent organizing the tax documents will save hours and money in April. That’s definitely “doing something”. It’s nice to have a manicure, but painting the house will increase the value of the house. Painting the kitchen will make cooking more pleasant for years.
Advertisers clearly understand that women spend all their time doing, whether it’s at work or in the thankless tasks of keeping house, driving, shopping or transporting kids, cleaning and groceries. It’s hardly genuine concern to suggest we get back in the car or back to the store.
We spend huge amounts of life tending to the needs and wants of others. Women do most certainly deserve something good. They should insist on it. But, it doesn’t have to be worthless or trivial. Women deserve to have their ability employed and their minds challenged. They deserve to have their talents appreciated and their imaginations engaged. Going to class once a week instead of going for a massage is something a woman can do for herself as an everlasting improvement in her life and her children’s lives. Women should do wonderful things for themselves with books or music or art or science. They can do wonderful things that are challenging, that are satisfying, that they can announce and share with pride.
It took years and determination for women to have the opportunities they have now. When a woman decides to do something for herself, it should be more than her nails. It should be something that counts.
