Parent Talk / July 2006
Borne in the USA
By Kathryn E. Brown
Medical researchers are unable to determine if high anxiety causes infertility in men and women. However, the medical community is certain that infertility indeed causes stress in the lives of childless couples.
The emotional stress of infertility is anchored by financial worries, marital strain, ethical and spiritual ramifications, and the judgments of family and friends. One of the biggest sources of frustration stems from the fact that infertility treatments do not produce the same results for everyone. Each treatment affects a couple differently, with no guarantee whatsoever that a child will emerge from the months–or years–of effort. Experts agree that a healthy blend of hope and reality is the only way to survive the endurance race of conceiving a child.
Mental therapy groups are geared toward supporting couples through the infertility process beyond the walls of the doctor’s office. These sessions are designed to help people build coping skills that are necessary when dealing with some of the common disappointments that may occur. Stress management therapists spend time explaining that at different stages in the process, women will experience some type of pain. Aside from the physical discomfort of fertility injections, women will also undergo emotional pain of having to decide how many embryos to keep, or, when it is time to discontinue treatments entirely. With inseminations costing nearly $2,000, and in vitro fertilizations ranging from $8,000 to $10,000, many couples are forced to give up before they are truly ready. Therapists and counselors claim that emotionally-stable couples are those who are able to relinquish control, let go of their set expectations, and accept that the body simply does not always work as imagined.
Besides managing the stress factors of impatience and extreme worry, couples are also expected to put aside their anxieties with the way in which they will have to conceive their child. A lack of control is partnered with a lack of privacy in that babies are made in a ceramic dish through the use of drugs, equipment, and a medical team of highly-trained doctors and nurses. Once an intimate act between two people, the process of conceiving a child now becomes a shared, clinical experience between many.
Insemination used to be prefaced with the word, “artificial”, but the politically-incorrectness of its meaning caused even more negative commentary. One maternal-fetal medicine specialist reported, “the fertility staff gets them pregnant”. The perception leaves many couples, particularly the male partner, feeling ashamed and embarrassed. Therapists intervene by helping couples overcome these emotions, reminding them it is essential to recall they are working with a person they love to achieve a very unselfish goal.
It is estimated that over 1 million children have been born through in vitro fertilization in the last 20 years. One percent of all newborn babies living in this country were conceived with the help of assisted reproductive technology. The treatments offer high success rates due to the impressive improvements in laboratory techniques in the last few years. Now that babies are being born with staggering price tags attached to their tiny feet, fertility experts, specialists, and psychotherapists are welcoming a new member into their medical practice–the financial counselor.
Yet, infertility treatments are not necessarily reserved for the very wealthy. Many middle-income bracketed couples find ways of funding their treatments through home equity loans, borrowing against their whole life insurance policies, cashing out investments from 401k portfolios, and even charging the expenses to their credit cards. If an immediate success is achieved, the financial worries are less burdensome than having to repeat the process multiple times. Since the procedures are purely elective, health insurance plans do not cover assisted reproductive technology, leaving most, if not all of expense, to be paid privately. Once again, specialists agree that the best way to prepare for all of the mental, physical, emotional, and financial expenses is to be well advised by reputable sources.
The recently published Overcoming Infertility, written by the Chairman of the Cleveland Clinic Department of Obstetrics and Gynecology at the Cleveland Clinic, is a reference guide for people who have been unsuccessfully trying to conceive a child for an extended period of time. The authors note that, as if life without children isn’t lonely enough for some couples, the highs and lows of assisted reproductive technology sometimes produce even deeper feelings of despair. Yet, the way in which couples approach their worries and fears is as important as the actual fertility process.
Women often report experiencing their first feelings of failure when they are unable to conceive a child on their own, then at an even greater level if infertility treatments do not produce an immediate pregnancy. Internet resources are full of misleading details and contradictions which cause unnecessary confusion and fear, keeping many couples from seeking further assistance.
However, couples should know they are not alone. There is help and support for the six million American women who suffer from an infertility problem.
Katy Brown is the managing member of The Write Word, LLC, a professional writing and editing agency based in Charleston. She can be reached by calling 304-444-4248 or via e-mail at thewriteword@charter.net.
Copyright © 2005-2006 A Woman's View. All rights reserved.
Femme Fair 2006
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