Parent Talk / August 2006
Short Takes
By Ellen Frankel
Pediatricians often report an increase in calls from parents worried about their child’s height at the beginning of each school year. While moms and dads happily watch their sons and daughters growing over the summer months, many become concerned when they see their child looking shorter than many of their school classmates. Parents can take steps to ensure they're not letting the societal prejudice against those who are short in nature cause them undue concern about their child’s height:
The first is to understand the Bell Curve which describes the concept of a normal distribution. When looking at height, the bulk of the population will be in the middle of the curve, fewer will fall away from the center, and still fewer will fall into the tail ends of the curve. If a child falls into the 5% for height, it means that out of one hundred children the same age, ninety-five of them will be taller. Although many parents are worried about where their child falls on the growth curve, it’s the child’s rate of growth that is the most important factor to consider when evaluating if the child is growing and developing normally.
Bet ween the ages of three until puberty, the child grows about two inches per year, then hits a growth spurt during puberty. Whether a child is in the 95%, the 50% or the 5% for height, the important question is whether the child is showing a consistent pattern of growth. The pediatrician will measure height at the child’s annual physical, and plot that growth on the curve. If the child is not growing in a consistent patter, the doctor will determine whether tests are necessary to detect any growth related medical problems.
Parents should refrain from repeated measuring. Though parents may worry about their child being short, it is important to make sure they aren’t conveying the message their child doesn’t “measure-up.” Taking out the tape measure or asking a child to stand against a growth chart on the wall can be a pressure and a stressor for children, creating the feeling that the parent’s acceptance is based, at least in part, on growing taller. Growth is a painstakingly slow process over which parents and children have no control. The information from the annual physical should offer the necessary information to assess healthy growing patterns.
Along with the potential stress of repeated height measuring, there is the pressure of comparisons with other siblings or friends. Commenting on how much taller a brother or friend is can be experienced by the shorter child as failing in some way. Asking or encouraging a child to stand back to back with someone as a way of assessing differences in height can be an uncomfortable situation. It’s also important to make sure other adults aren’t engaging in such behavior, or making negative comments about being short.
Studies have found that parents are usually more concerned about their child’s height than their child. Parents may worry that prejudice against short people will hurt their child socially and professionally and inadvertently give their child the message that being short is a problem, when to the child, that may not be the case. Open communication is key. It’s also an opportunity for parents to discuss heightism in particular, and prejudice in general. If parents become aware of any bullying of the child at school, the issues should be discussed with the principal and guidance counselor. The message from family and school should be acceptance and celebration for people of all shapes and sizes.
Parents should become aware of the language they use. Language often mirrors cultural bias, a celebration of the tall and ridicule of the short. It’s important to examine the way height is discussed. If family members or friends make negative comments about height, discuss why such comments are unacceptable. Parents can make speak of people they admire who exemplify different shapes and sizes.
Self-esteem and self-worth cannot be assessed through inches. As the school year begins, parents can celebrate their child’s growth by recognizing each child’s unique qualities and gifts, their interests, hopes, dreams, weaknesses and strengths. A tape measure can never begin to measure the fullness of a child. Raising healthy kids means loving and accepting who they are and watching the beauty unfold as they grow into themselves.
Ellen Frankel, LCSW, is the author of Beyond Measure: A Memoir About Short Stature and Inner Growth. For more information, visit www.beyondmeasureamemoir.com
Copyright © 2005-2006 A Woman's View. All rights reserved.
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