Parent Talk / September 2007
Building Trust And Acceptance With Stepchildren
“Nearly 50% of all families in the United States are stepfamilies. Many of these stepfamilies have overcome difficult challenges and grown into strong family units; and yours can, too”, says Dr. Waln K. Brown, Founder & CEO of the William Gladden Foundation.
“Stepchildren may be unable to accept, trust, or love a stepparent immediately. This may be especially true with teenagers, children with confused emotions, and kids who have a strong relationship with the absent biological parent. Children of divorced parents often hope that the natural parents will re-unite. This is normal and does not necessarily mean they dislike the stepparent.
Good communication is the most important ingredient of successful family life. Patience, commitment, and resourcefulness are also necessary in building a relationship with stepchildren. Some other important considerations for building trust and acceptance are: (1) void competing with your spouse for the affection of the stepchildren, (2) avoid pressing the stepchildren for affection or loyalty, (3) be steady and consistent in your own behaviors, (4) develop mutual interests, activities, and hobbies with your stepchildren, (5) let stepchildren who are not comfortable calling you “Mom” or “Dad” find their own special name for you, (6) let them know they are loved and valued members of the family through words, gestures, and deeds, (7) refrain from criticism of the absent biological parent, and make time to talk with each stepchild - and listen attentively.
You may wish to seek professional help if you become frustrated and angered. A family therapist or counselor can help you with solutions.
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