Special
Archives January 2004
Funny
Lines
Comedian Steven Wright once asked, “OK, so what's the speed of
dark?” These are a few of his slightly skewed observations.
Borrow money from pessimists - they don't expect it back.
Half the people you know are below average.
99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
42.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.
A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
If you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain.
The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
Hard work pays off in the future but laziness pays off now.
I intend to live forever - so far, so good.
Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried
Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is
research.
The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
And, finally, If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
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