Special
Archives January 2004
Mediating
Circumstances
By Pat Lawrence
Fran Allen, mediator at the Counseling
and Wellness Center |
Mediation is a method of conflict resolution, one that is commonly
needed when it comes to divorce. Parkersburg mediator Fran Allen,
says, “Even when divorce isn’t the result of a communication
problem, the divorce process itself can create one.”
Some mediation is court ordered. If parents haven’t agreed
to a parenting plan by the time the divorce is filed, the court will
often order mediation. Fran says, “The cookie cutter approach
that the courts used to use to decide custody doesn’t work for
everyone. One parent may work evening or variable shift hours.
With mediation, a resolution can be tailored to each situation.
It’s much easier for parents to adhere to a schedule they have
agreed upon than one the court has ordered. Parents can be as creative
as necessary. Children can only gain when the parents can agree on a
schedule in the child’s best interest. ”
She says, “Nothing said in mediation can be used in court, so
people can let their guard down, which encourages honest exchanges and
that helps get to a resolution. Each has a chance to say what
they think is best for the child. Often they agree, but don’t
know how to say it. Frequently, they each hold misconceptions
about what the other one wanted.”
Fran says she often asks parents to place a picture of the children
between them to help them focus on the child. She tells them to
imagine each child at twenty, talking with new friends about their childhood
and what it was like. “Then, people can often come up with
common goals. Their way of getting there may be different, but
the goals are the same.”
Issues like property distribution can also be addressed in mediation,
either before or during litigation.
Fran says, “Mediation offers an environment to reach an agreement.
It’s the goal of the disagreeing parties to reach an agreement.
It’s the mediator’s goal to provide the environment and
communication process to help them get that agreement.”
She says the mediator helps people speak more effectively. “In
the process, they often generate other options they may not have considered.”
Whatever the couple agrees upon, a document is created at the end of
the session that spells it out, so there’s no question about the
results. Fran says the average mediation session lasts about 3
hours. “Over 80% of the participants come to a full agreement.”
Divorce has been described as a legal problem with personal implications
and as a personal problem with legal implications. Either way,
Fran says, “There is so much hurt in divorce. Mediation
gives the couple an opportunity to come together informally, confidentially,
non-confrontationally. It can make a huge difference in the amount
of damage to the adults -and to the children.”
For more information about mediation, contact Fran Allen,
304-424-0902.
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