Special
Archives February 2004
Single
Survival on Valentine’s Day
For many women, there is only one thing preventing them from participating
in the cards, flowers, candy and loving sentiments that mark the celebration
of Valentine's Day.
A date.
Valentine's Day can bring loneliness and self-doubt to romantics and
true love believers. Even the most self-confident woman can wilt
after a lifetime of exposure to the relentless media barrage extolling
love, romance and passion.
Dr. Laura S. Brown, professor of psychology at Argosy University/Seattle,
offers tips on how single women can celebrate Cupid's Day, instead of
being defeated by it. "Love is not about a particular day,
or about cards, flowers, or even being in a relationship. The illusion
that coupled people are happy and well-loved can feed feelings of loneliness
or isolation for people who aren't with someone, and wish they were,"
says Brown. "Seeing the illusory nature of this holiday can be
the first step in feeling better about being precisely who and where
you are."
Another important step in feeling better may be to remember that Valentine's
Day is a commercial holiday. “ It's not about love and relationships;
it's about selling flowers, candy, and diamond jewelry.”
The people who feel the greatest love on Valentine’s Day are jewelers,
florists and retail stores.
Dr. Brown says women should not define themselves by their relationship
status. “Your relationship status is NOT your identity.”
Women who are single because of a recent loss should allow themselves
this as a day of grieving. “Don't pretend that it's not
a hard day. Get support and sympathy.” She suggests getting
together with friends, family or others with who a relationship is already
established and plan something away from billing and cooing couples.
For some women, the discontent of Valentine’s Day can be the
impetus to begin thinking about what’s in the way of creating
the relationship they want. “If you're single and you don't
want to be, start looking for ways to become the person your dream partner
would fall in love with. Start therapy; take up yoga, volunteer, take
class, create art, act to change the world. It's into the fullest
lives that love is most likely to fall.”
For women who are single and like it, she says, “Now's the time
to affirm your choice.
People who never marry, or don’t establish lifelong partnerships,
do have close, loving, emotionally intimate relationships and lives
worth living. Don't let a couple-driven culture define your choice as
something wrong.”
Copyright © 2001-2009 A Woman's View. All rights reserved.
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