Special
Features / October 2007
Secrets of a Happy Marriage
“Happy marriages depend on expressing your thoughts and emotions to each other, of speaking and being heard. In order to have a successful marriage you have to make yourself an expert in communicating with your spouse. You have to try to understand what your partner is saying, and sometimes not saying, as well as try to analyze the underlying message or desire. If your spouse is trying to talk to you, whether it's to find out what you want for dinner, to tell you about their day, or to discuss a problem in your marriage, give them the same amount of listening. Don't try to finish their sentences, don't try to solve their problems, and don't ever say, ‘I told you so!’, says Alex Blackwell, author of The Next 45 Years.
“The art of communicating and listening in your marriage is best illustrated when you are ‘fully present’. To be fully present is to convey with your body language and attention that you not are distracted by any other event. Let your spouse know he or she has all of the time necessary to talk. Your job is to listen and receive the information being shared and continue to provide a safe and nurturing environment. Even though you may not agree with everything being said, allow your spouse the space to communicate what’s on their mind. Soon enough, it will be your turn to do the same”
“The point is not to assume what you spouse thinks or wants. If you are unsure about any thing, simply ask how they are feeling, what they would like to do, and if you are giving them what they need. Too often we are afraid to hear the answer fearing we may get a bad report card. However, it’s much easier to be honest and convey that you really don’t know what their expectations are, but you really want to find out in order to meet them”.
Copyright © 2007 A Woman's View. All rights reserved.
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