Special
Features / October 2007
Take off your Mask…and Put Your Dancing Shoes On
 Sheryl K. White, Ph.D.
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By Sheryl K. White, Ph.D.
As the time for parties and costumes approach, did you even wonder what would happen if you couldn’t take off your mask at the end of the evening? No matter how hard you searched for the perfect mask, you would still want to take it off and experience the relief of seeing and feeling your real face. But what if you couldn’t…you’re trapped.
This seems preposterous doesn’t it? You feel like you can do something this easy anytime. But are you sure? Often women are conditioned to take on expectations and roles that are crafted by others – and then these masks become the person’s whole reality.
If you want to check if this has happened to you, consider the following questions:
1. What five words would you use to describe yourself? Who else has used these words to talk about you?
2. What was your nickname growing up? Why, and by whom, was it chosen?
3. Who was the greatest influence in your early years? Your mom, dad, grandparents?
4. Who is your role model? Who did you try to be like?
5. Why and how did you choose your current vocation and life style?
6. How do you make decisions? Are these based on what’s right for you or for others?
7. Who do you see when you look at yourself in a mirror? How would you describe yourself? What would you focus on?
8. How do you describe yourself to others on the phone, by text or internet?
9. What do you say to yourself when you’re alone with yourself? Would you want anyone else to hear this?
10. What do you say to yourself that you would never say to someone else?
Hopefully, considering these questions will lead you to answers that feel interesting and insightful. If considering these cause you to experience discomfort and avoidance, then your mask may be too tight and you may be suffocating your spirit and energy.
Some authors call these distortions in our self-view as masquerading or feeling like an impostor. Authors such as Joan C. Harvey and Cynthia Katz (If I'm So Successful Why Do I Feel Like a Fake: The Impostor Phenomenon) and Dr. Pauline Cline (The Impostor Phenomenon: When Success Makes You Feel Like a Fake) have explored these fears. That is, when you feel like your outside doesn’t match the inside. Other researchers have referred to this idea as a social façade – a face that we present to the world to prevent others from discovering our real selves.
Which brings up the question, why do we do this and what is the cost of such deception? Sometimes, we consciously hide our true selves from others because we feel like we have to protect ourselves. At other times, we put on a mask because we believe that we won’t be acceptable or successful if we don’t cover up our perceived weaknesses. At times, this decision becomes our total reality and we find ourselves trapped in it. Then symptoms of sadness, anxiety and fatigue overwhelm us to the point that our bodies and minds start to get sick. To battle these feelings, we try to force ourselves back to health. But to take any action or think any thought, we expend more energy. The harder we work at things that don’t follow our truth, the more stress we experience. More stress leads to more fatigue, and eventually to burnout.
That’s why stress related diseases are increasing to the point that it costs millions of people quality of life and thousands of others their very lives. According to Healthy People 2000, a report from the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, stress has a great impact on our health. For example, they found that:
• 70-80% of all visits to the doctor are for stress-related and stress-induced illnesses
• Stress contributes to 50% of all illness in the United States
• The cost of job stress in the U.S. is estimated at $200 billion annually, including costs of absenteeism, lost productivity, and insurance claims.
Although change may seem scary, it can be done. Facing this fear can open up new ways of rediscovering your real self. The person inside who’s been waiting for release. Consider the following actions to begin your journey to freedom:
Learn: read, research, take classes, explore interests
Act: walk, sing, dance, develop a helpful support system
Undo: stop negative self talk, let go of old regrets
No: the start of personal power is saying “No”
Create: a new view of yourself and the life that you want to celebrate
Halo: surround yourself with good thoughts and feelings
When you start these steps to LAUNCH yourself into your real life, you can let go of your mask and dance in celebration! Enjoy your freedom.
The above information is for educational purposes only. Please consult a healthcare professional if you have questions.
Dr. Sheryl White, is the founder and Clinical Director of Advanced Psychological Services which serves the Mid-Ohio Valley. She holds a Ph.D. and other advanced degrees from the University of Toledo and has done extensive research and work in the areas of stress management and the effects of the mind on physical health. She is a licensed psychologist in both Ohio and West Virginia and been a featured speaker at numerous conferences throughout the Midwest. She specializes in the areas of women’s health promotion, stress management, anxiety and depression treatment, as well as insomnia and sleep improvement.
Copyright © 2001-2009 A Woman's View. All rights reserved.
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