Special
Features / February 2008
Recapturing the Romance
“A television talk show host was interviewing one of Hollywood’s biggest male stars, a man known for his romantic image. At one point, the host asked him, ‘What makes a great lover?’, noted Dennis Rainey. “Two things,” the star replied. “First of all, it is a man who can satisfy one woman over a lifetime. And it is a man who can be satisfied with one woman for a lifetime.”
According to Rainey, “to build a lasting marriage of oneness and intimacy, you and your spouse must be committed to meeting each other’s physical and emotional needs – for a lifetime. One of those needs is for romance.”
“We need that fire in our marriages. The problem is that within the first year or two after the wedding ceremony, something happens in most marriages. Those romantic flames which burned so brightly during engagement seem to crumble into faint, glowing embers.
“What is it about marriage that seems to douse our romantic creativity? At some point in almost every marriage, a couple realizes that they just don’t experience the same romantic feelings they once enjoyed.”
“If you want to taste the delicious fruit of romantic love in your relationship then you’d better pay close attention to those things that are ‘nipping your love in the bud’, such as:
- Wrong priorities
- Young kids who wear you out so you
have little energy for romance
- Teenagers who won’t go to bed
- Financial pressures
- Changing seasons of a marriage
- Poor health
- Crowded schedules
- Unrealistic expectations
- A critical spirit
- Unresolved conflict
“I think the most deadly fox, however, is apathy. If you truly are committed to making your marriage last for a lifetime and to enjoying the type of oneness God intends in a relationship, you need to make a choice to commit some time and energy to keeping romance in your marriage, explained Rainey.
“To put that spark back into your marriage, then:
First, identify the “foxes” stealing your romance and make plans for how to face them. For example, many couples with young children could find more time together simply by establishing more routine in their homes and putting the kids to bed earlier.
Second, discover how your spouse views romance. Men and women usually see romance through different lenses. Men will give answers that focus on physical intimacy such as “Dress up in a sexy negligee.” The women, however, will say things like “Take me to a romantic, candle-lit restaurant,” “Spend time talking with me,” or “Sit in front of a fire and cuddle.” Men are motivated by sight and touch, while women want to focus on the relational aspects of marriage.
Third, take the time to plan something creative. Do something different, out of the ordinary, something that will capture your spouse’s attention and communicate romance in the language he or she understands.
Rekindling the romance in your marriage doesn’t require a lot of money, and it often doesn’t even take that much time. What you do need is a long-term commitment to do it. Like any good fire in the fireplace, romance needs attention and fuel. Take some time today to throw another log on the fire – the warmth is worth it!”
Dennis Rainey is the president of FamilyLife, a subsidiary of Campus Crusade for Christ. He and his wife, Barbara, co-authored the best-selling books Building Your Mate’s Self-Esteem and Moments Together for Couples. Dennis hosts the nationally syndicated “FamilyLife Today” radio program and has spoken at conferences around the country. The Raineys have six children and nine grandchildren.
Copyright © 2007 A Woman's View. All rights reserved.
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